Have Your Cake and Eat Everything Else, Too.

In my family, about a month before you complete another year of life, the question is posed, "What do you want for your birthday?" I rarely have an answer, primarily because I think it's rude to ask for things. However, now, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking about it because a friend suggested I outline my ideal birthday. Not that anyone has to follow these suggestions on or around this July 17th.

Usually, I am dieting. My birthday is like my get-out-of-dieting hell-free card. I have to eat all of my favorite foods. Even if I am stuffed. Even if it doesn't make sense to eat an hour before dinner reservations. I must consume as much as possible. I do realize how ridiculous this is but, um, "Shut up. It's my birthday."

So where does this marathon of eating start? Here is the route I have mapped out:

Starting Line- Breakfast at the diner. Where I am will determine what I eat. If I am in Philadelphia I'd like to go to Melrose Diner. For Old Time's sake, I have to get the creamed chipped beef and sit at the counter. If I am at a Jersey diner I will most likely order a bacon and american cheese omelet with rye toast. I will be very tempted by the Smoked Salmon platter, but I won't give in. To drink I will have oj, chocolate milk and coffee.

Marker One- Shopping. After eating every last bite of breakfast I will absolutely need a few hours to decompress before shopping. I will go home after breakfast, or to my parent's house if I am in Philly, to relax and complain how bloated I feel. Once I feel like I can try on clothes without inducing feelings of rage or tears, off we go either walking around Center City, King of Prussia Mall or a few different shopping centers in NJ.

Marker Two-Starbucks. Starbucks' are strategically placed in all three possible destinations so I have that covered. I will stop here for a mid-morning Frappuccino snack. Something with mocha, chocolate chips, or brownies. Large. I mean Venti.

Marker Three-Lunch. Contingency plans are necessary since I may be shopping in any of three different locations. If we are moseying around Center City I would probably try to find somewhere new. The city has so much food to offer I hate eating at the same place twice. A quirky place with outdoor seating and a good margarita or draught beer and sandwiches are my criteria. Shopping at King of Prussia mall always leads me to a meal at California Cafe. You really can't go wrong here. Modern decor and fantastic fare that is ever-changing and eclectic make it hard to walk by this place. Supposing I never made it out of Jersey, I'd probably eat lunch at Redstone Grill in Marlton, The Cheesecake Factory or Seasons 52 in Cherry Hill. All offer elevated lunch cuisine and classy-casual atmospheres. My decision would be based on my coordinates at the point of hunger and my food mood. All offer outdoor dining, which I love, so I'd have to further consider the menus. Would I prefer something wood-fired at Redstone or Avocado spring rolls, tamale corn cakes and cheesecake at the Factory or a lower calorie meal at Seasons 52?

Marker Three point Five: Snack. I can assure you there will be a snack involved because dinner reservations will probably be LATE. Also, I will begin to sense time is running out. I know that after dinner the gorging will be over and it will be back to dieting hell. Most likely I will rummage through cabinets or stop at Wawa for that candy bar or bag of chips I have been craving. Are we close to a pizza joint?

Marker Four: Dinner. I like to get dressed up and go out for dinner. It is my favorite hobby. Wherever my family goes will be somewhere I have researched for weeks. It will be somewhere new and unique to the dining scene. We will all get dressed up. We will have cocktails and wine. We will all eat more than seems possible in record time. We will all still want dessert.

Marker Five/The Home Stretch: Dessert. If something intrigues me on the dessert menu I will order it. I have to try everything, it is part of my job. (How do you like that excuse?) Honestly, what I want more than anything a restaurant can offer is coffee and pound cake at my parent's house. We get back, get loud, take off the painful shoes, and drink my Mom's French-pressed, cinnamon spiked coffee with Potitio's pound cake. I have been eating this cake forever. I MUST eat this on my birthday. The cake is buttery yellow and crumbles then melts once it hits your tongue. The sweet, slightly stiff and crunchy icing is spread in a thin layer. Too much icing would overcome the cake, all good bakers know that.

Marker Six: Bed. I may have to sit up for a little while because the food that cannot fit into my stomach is still lingering in my throat. Once it settles in, I'll pass out. There is a good possibility I will wake up for a mid-night snack.

If you know me, you know the affection I hold for clothes, shoes, bags, etc. All these are welcome as gifts. But if you really want to make me happy, run with me.